Writing your personal commandments

A few months ago I came across a blog post by author Gretchen Rubin in which she discussed the process of writing her own personal commandments. Rubin is the author of five New York Time Bestsellers including “The Happiness Project” (which I’d highly recommend) which is where she introduced the idea of writing your own commandments.

These statements are not tasks or resolutions, but rather over-arching principles by which she tries to live her life.

In some ways I found the task kind of daunting, probably because I grew up Catholic and remember that the commandments were etched in stone (and my mind as part of the Baltimore Catechism…). But I’ve also appreciated the challenge of trying to distill and clarify the values and principles that are most important to me.

Doug and I have written before about the benefit of identifying your personal values. When you can clarify what is most important for you, you then have a filter to run your decisions through; does taking or not taking a particular action align with your values?

That clarity can be helpful.

I’m not quite up to 12 commandments, but I can tell you what I have so far:

1.     Be unabashedly, unapologetically (working on that part) and authentically Kim.
2.     Slow to speak, quick to listen.
3.     Be silly and laugh everyday.
4.     Dance like no one’s watching (I’ve gotten much better at this over the years).
5.     Act like you’ve been there before.
6.     When the student is ready, the teacher will come.
7.     Bloom where you’re planted.
8.     There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.
9. Don’t procrastinate.
10. hahahahahahaha - just kidding on that last one. I’m still writing this at 10:36 on Tuesday night.
11. See number 3….

Some tips that Rubin offers for coming up with your own list is thinking about phrases that have stuck with you and I have to confess, most of the list above consists of just that. I can’t tell you where I heard the phrase slow to speak, quick to listen, but I initially embraced the concept because I was shy and hesitant to talk.

Now I embrace it because I have been on the receiving end of kind and active listeners, and those have been some of the most powerful interactions I’ve ever had.

Act like you’ve been there before comes from my Dad, who didn’t want any success I had in high school sports to go to my head. Regardless of any successes I’ve had in my life, I’ve always remembered that advice.

Bloom where you planted is my constant reminder that as much as I’d like to pare down my belongings into an Airstream and live on the beach in San Diego, my life is currently in Maine. It’s my reminder to stay in the moment and grow some roots.

Maybe your list has a few favorite quotes - but whatever. you put on the list, make the statements short and sweet, and something that you can easily absorb. I’m going to keep working on mine, and if you tackle this project, I’d love to hear from you too.

Posture

We focus a lot on getting you great workouts and tailoring it to help you hit your goals but it’s equally as important to make sure you’re doing exercises safely. The easiest way to get injured during a workout is to use incorrect posture. Check out this video from coach Josh on a couple of cues to make sure you’re using good posture to safeguard yourself from injury.

A place of power

Over the years I’ve developed a lot of wishes for the clients with whom I work. I don’t mean that I develop goals for them, though I might help them to set goals.

I mean wishes. There are certain things that I want desperately for people to absorb. And one of those things – a very big one of those things – is to not give away your power.

One definition of power is “the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events.”

Everyday, multiple times a day, I see clients and friends and family members give their power away – most often to the scale. The ability to direct or influence behavior or the course of events.

What have you said that you will do or not do as a result of the number on the scale (or any other number that is holding you hostage)? What circumstances have you turned down? What plans have you changed?

Or perhaps more importantly, what are the things that you have said to yourself in giving that power away?

“I have no will power.”

“I’m too lazy.”

“I could try harder.”

We give our power away in other places as well – we give it away to social norms or society expectations, whether that’s around body image, financial image, or social media image – blindly pushing ourselves towards something that we may or may not really want.

One of my favorite parts of being a strength coach is watching people discover or rediscover their own physical and mental strength. Because that feeling of strength often translates into a place of empowerment.

If you are sitting there reading this right now (first of all, thank you) – is there something out there that you are allowing to have power over you?

If so, what does your world look like if you flip the script? What does it look like if you reclaim your power?

Because you can. You absolutely can reclaim your power

The What vs. the Why

My what has changed a lot over the years, especially as it concerns my fitness.

As a kid and teenager, my what was sports. I played volleyball, basketball, and softball. My what was about competing and developing athleticism and friendships. And competing.

By college, my what became lacrosse and later, running. By then, my what was about exercising and staying fit, even though I couldn’t have told you that at the time. These days, my what is based purely around staying healthy and feeling strong enough to strength train a few times per week.

Those what’s are an evolving process for all of us, but sometimes we’re so close to those what’s that we lose track of the why. 

We spend a lot of energy, especially at this time of year, trying to figure out our what. Do we do the Whole 30? Go paleo? Back to Weight Watchers? Hit the Peleton? Do more yoga? Strength train?

 The thing is, our journey is almost always less about what we do and more about why we do it. But we tend to hyper-focus on the what, and often forget the why behind engaging in those activities in the first place.

The problem is, there are an awful lot of options out there when it comes to the what. And depending on who you are, and what your habits and patterns are, you can get really hung up on what you are doing.

But what if you not only think more about your why, but also about your intentions as we start this new year? Resolutions are based primarily on the outcome. You will lose 10lbs, you will run 10 miles per week, you will eat only a paleo diet.

But why? What is your intention?

To feel better overall? To feel strong? To move more easily? To have better balance?

Perhaps your answer is more basic - to feel good and look good. The thing is, there is no wrong answer when it comes to focusing on your why. It’s about finding out what’s important to you and basing your decisions upon those values.

But that is easier said than done.

So here’s my challenge for you today:

Take a few minutes today and look at all of the what’s that you have on your list for this week, this month, and this year. Now take a step back and look at your why. Look at your intention.

Write that intention down on a post-it note and stick it on your fridge or desk. But no matter where you put it, make sure that it’s something you look at every day.

Because staying connected to your why is going to be so much more important to your what - and you’re going to need to hang on to that why.

Nine Years Ago...

Over the weekend we hit a cool milestone.

Yes the new year, but for our little community, we little community it was bigger than that.

9 years ago...

On January 2, 2012 I sat in a freezing cold warehouse with zero clients for the first day of opening what was then called Spurling Training Systems.

I had just signed a three year commercial lease with $4 in my checking account, and my dad let me max out his credit card so I could pay the security deposit.

I was living in someone’s basement for $100/week, and spent every waking minute at the gym.

Through a little luck and a boatload of hard work, I was able to grow it to a little warehouse gym with a couple guys helping me out, most who are still on our team today (Josh and Trent).

In 2015 we got word that our space was going to get taken over by the sewer department. They needed more room for all the crap :)

I was struggling to find a space. There’s just not a lot of commercial real estate in our town. One day I knocked on the door of what looked like an empty warehouse. To my surprise a gentleman opened the door. It was his garage for all his antique cars. The timing couldn’t have been better. He was getting ready to put it on the market.

After almost losing it to a Dunkin Donuts franchisee (the town did not approve a drive thru in this zone), in July of 2015 I bought the home of what is now Spurling Fitness.

That move, paired with continual great additions to our team, our amazing clients, and an enormous amount of hard work from everyone, excelled us over the next couple of years to be one of the most successful personal training gyms in the country.

I’m eternally grateful for every client and every team member. They believe in us and support our vision.

But here’s the thing...

I truly believe we’re just getting started.

Even with all the hiccups of 2020, we’re proud to move forward with the next step in our vision.

Since building our first company vision, it’s never been just about a gym, it’s been about how we can inspire positive change in people, cultivate relationships, and serve our community.

The gym is a branch to what is a big tree that I hope continues to grow and live on much longer than any of us.

The tree is our Spurling Community, comprised of multiple branches/brands.

It’s still under construction, but I’d love to have you take a peek at our new website that organizes all of it...

—->>> spurlingcommunity.com

Here you can read about our vision for 2025, what we want our organization to look like and who we want to serve.

That includes:

  • The continual improvement of the Spurling Fitness experience

  • The Infinity Center, opening at the end of this month, a mix-use space that includes health and medical businesses, event rental space, and new workshops and programs.

  • The continued impact on gyms across the world, offering workshops, courses, certifications, and coaching to help them make a bigger impact.

  • Our charitable efforts which includes establishing a 501c3, mission trips, more scholarships, free community programs, and more.

  • The kick off of our retreats in 2021, and our long term vision of community properties.

I truly feel it’s going to be a decade like the “roaring 20’s” for all of us, and I’m so grateful to have you on this crazy ride.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Here’s to big things in 2021!

Nevertheless She Persisted

I love that quote. 

It stems from the story of Senator Elizabeth Warren, who stood up to read a letter written by Coretta Scott King as she opposed the nomination of Attorney General Jeff Sessions. As the story is written, Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell tried to cut her speech short. 

“She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted.”

Politics aside, the moment became a rallying cry for women everywhere. There were memes and t-shirts and jewelry with the phrase. 

This is the quote that came to mind when someone asked me what to do when you hit a plateau in your training.

My best answer? 

You persist. 

I know. I write that like it's easy. It's not. 

I might re-write the phrase from above to “She was tired. She was frustrated. She couldn’t see the horizon, only the dusty, rocky ground beneath her feet. Nevertheless, she persisted.”

The fitness journey has peaks and valleys. Signs of progress at the beginning are motivating. We start to feel better, move better, drop pant sizes and we actually feel like working out. We’ve got momentum and we don’t want to lose it. 

We feel the progress.

But what happens when we stop feeling that progress? 

We go two months without seeing or feeling any changes. 

We lose patience. I might mention that along with persistence comes patience. I don't think you can have one without the other. 

We get frustrated. We doubt the process. We question our approach. We must be doing something wrong if change isn't happening. 

So what do we do?

We persist. 

Because the only way out is through. 

Even as I write this post this morning, I am drawing on my own patience and persistence. I get antsy when I write. As much as I enjoy writing, I don’t always enjoy the process. If I’m not thoughtful, I will write a sentence, think of something I need to do, and jump up to do it. I’ll send that email, check Facebook, remember to post to Instagram. 

If you want me to clean the house, ask me to write a blog post. Or give a presentation.  

What I’ve learned to do is set a timer and commit to the either/or strategy. I will either write, or do nothing, for 20 minutes. I’m allowed to not write. I’m allowed to look around the room. But I’m not allowed to do anything else. I can’t pick the dog up for a cuddle, I can’t open any other windows on my laptop. 

I can’t look at my phone. 

I can get another cup of coffee, because coffee. But nothing else.

Webster's dictionary defines persistence as such:

“Firm or obstinate continuance in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition.”

Obstinate continuance. I love that. I imagine that was what drove Thomas Edison to continue despite failing the first 9,999 times with the light bulb. 

He was determined to keep moving on.

Persistence is the running back whose legs keep churning upon running into a pile of lineman. 

You keep moving. 

I want to have profound advice. I want to stand up on a chair in front of all of you and deliver my best Knute Rockne impression.

But the best I can tell you is to keep moving. You're only reward might be the knowledge that you put forth a dogged effort, despite everything in your life pulling on you to call it quits. 

Satisfaction is in doing what you thought you couldn't. What you thought you wouldn't. 

If you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, find someone with a flashlight. Reach out and take a hand. 

Grab onto your community. Lean heavy on them. 

Keep your feet moving. 

Drive the pile.

It will feel hard. It will feel futile. It will feel like there is no point. 

Persist. 

And if you need help persisting, please don't hesitate to reach out and ask. 

Finding joy this holiday season

By the age of 10, my belief in Santa was waning. I still believed, but my 13 year older brother was a non-believer and pointing out all of the flaws with the story. Logistcally speaking, he said, there’s no way that guy can fit into our chimney.

“Besides,” he said. “Our chimney goes into the wood stove.”

He made good points, but I nonetheless sat on Santa’s lap at the annual Ebensburg Moose Christmas party and parlayed my only request for that year.

"I’d like a Pete Rose baseball card,” I said.

When asked if I wanted anything else, anything at all, I said no. There was honestly nothing else I wanted more than to add Pete Rose to my healthy and growing baseball card collection. I had Ricky Henderson and Roger Clemens and some guy named Cal Ripken Jr, but it was Pete I most admired. (And yes, it was Pete who broke my heart a few years later when he was kicked out of baseball forever).

In the mid-1980’s Pete Rose was everything to me. Despite living in Western Pennsylvania and carrying a healthy allegiance to my home town Pittsburgh Pirates, it was Pete who was on my Wheaties' box and the Wheaties poster on my wall (the one I sent in box tops to acquire and that I still have).

It was Pete I pretended to be when we played backyard baseball. 

Pete Rose was more than the all-time hits leader when I was a kid growing up in the 80’s. He was the definition of the way you played the game. When you slid into home, you did a Pete Rose slide, which meant sacrificing your body to take out the catcher on the way into home plate. 

His nickname was Charlie Hustle. If you watch clips of Pete playing baseball, he was not a graceful athlete. He lumbered when he ran, and hunched and poked out hits at the plate, offering more of a chop than the beautiful swing of a Ken Griffey Jr. He was the walking definition of “hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.”

He hustled his way into being a super star.

And so that’s what my Dad taught me to do. (Hustle, not become a super star…)

Last week in my resilience workshop, we did an exercise that was designed to help people connect to their childhood - specifically the types of activities and games that attracted and fascinated us when we were kids. I’ve thought a lot about that particular Christmas this past week in reflecting on my childhood interests.

The holidays feel tough for many of us this year, as we cancel family gatherings and stay home instead of traveling. I won’t pretend that the past few weeks haven’t felt incredibly sad when I think about all of the moments that I won’t be having with my parents and cousins and niece and nephew.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I’m going to do - what Sheila and I are going to do - to help cope with the loss we are feeling. And it was in doing this exercise with my group that I realized one activity that I used to do as a kid that I haven’t done in years.

Flip through my baseball card collection.

I didn’t actually get a Pete Rose baseball card that year. Sports card shops had not yet blown up in our part of the country. In a few years you could walk into a store and pick out a Pete Rose rookie card or something else from his early years. But not in rural Western Pennsylvania in the mid 1980’s. 

So my parents did what they could do.

On Christmas morning, I woke up and shuffled through the presents under the tree. There were several packs of baseball cards - Topps and Donruss - and I ripped through them all - finding Nolan Ryan and Andy Van Slyke and other stars that I admired. 

But there was no Pete Rose. 

I was disappointed, but I also remember spending the day going through my new cards, checking off the cards in the set, putting my doubles (cards I already had) in a shoe box, and doing what I loved to do best - read through all of the stats and facts on the back of the cards. Birthdays, milestones, fun facts - there was always plenty of information on the back of those cards and I’d pass hours at a time reading them.

Which is also why I know so many useless baseball trivia facts…

A few years ago when we bought our first house, I finally took my card collection from my parents house. All 15,000 or more cards, in albums and boxes. I haven’t looked through them in ages.

The holidays certainly are not what we want them to be this year.

But they may also be an opportunity to find some joy in unexpected places.

Wishing you and your family a warm, peaceful holiday.

Static Stretching

We all know stretching is important, but what not everyone knows is that there’s more than one type of stretching. Today, check out coach Jess’s video on static stretching and some examples you can do at home. Static stretching is called static because you’ll be stationary the entire time and these stretches tend to be more low impact and joint friendly.

20 Things I Learned In 2020: Part 4

Last week I kicked off the series, 20 things learned in 2020.

If you missed the first three parts you can read them here, here, and here.

I was talking to Kim yesterday about this series, and honestly, it was as much for me as it was for you.

I always find it helpful to reflect and journal, and writing this piece did just that.

Reflect on the year, realize it was crazy, but there was also a lot of good.

I had a client come up to me in the gym yesterday and he mentioned how much he resonated with it, so I’m glad it helped at least one person.

Let’s dig into the final five lessons.

16. 10% Of Life Is What Happens To You

There is a saying that goes around that goes something like this…

Life and our happiness is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

And in fact, in the book Happiness Equation they back it up with research.

Positive psychology research has actually proven that life’s happiness is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it.

This means one thing…

We can’t control the 10%, but we can control 90%.

We can’t control certain life events happening, but we can control our attitude and behaviors towards them.

I still think back to the passing of my mom…

I used her death as fuel to urgently start building a community, building a legacy, and making decisions and taking risks knowing that life is too short.

We can't control a lot of what happened in 2020, but we can control our attitude towards it.

17. Servant Leadership is still the better model

Traditional leadership is focused on the person.

What do I need to do to succeed?

Servant leadership is the flip of that?

How can I serve others?

Servant leadership mindset is the serving of others first.

Leaders eat last.

I think you saw that so much this year.

Healthcare workers.

Teachers.

Essential workers.

It wasn’t about what they wanted, it wasn’t about their personal initiatives, it was about serving others.

I try to practice servant leadership in our community, and 2020 reinforced that it is the “new” leadership model, and traditional “power” leadership is old hat.

18. Change is good, just not too much

We were sitting around a table, discussing the next quarter’s objectives.

Coach Chris chirps up and says…

“Change, just not too much.”

And that’s the balance (if there is such a thing).

There are six human needs, and two of them are certainty and variety.

We all crave both.

If change never existed, we would get bored, we would get stale, and life just wouldn’t be that exciting.

However, if every day is different, and there is no certainty in life we fill our anxiety and stress tanks.

Change is good.

It creates excitement, it finds better ways of doing things, it challenges people.

But too much change is…too much.

I think 2020 was a good test of our tolerance of change.

You had to change, you had to adapt, you have to, dear I say it…PIVOT.

But, we saw what too much of that can create.

Like anything, there will always be a balance.

I’m looking forward to continuing to find that balance in 2021.

19. You have to have support

Life is a team sport.

Now, who is on your team is up to you, but 2020 proved that life is a team sport.

A common theme across all personal development is your support network.

Who are the people in your life that will be there when times are tough and give you an (air) high-five when things are good?

We all need it.

It could be family, friends, a co-worker, or a mentor, but 2020 reinforced that you cannot go through life alone, it’s too lonely.

20. We can handle anything

Persistence.

Resilience.

Pushing through.

1% Better.

We can get through anything, we can handle anything that comes our way.

It could be a pandemic, it could be racism, it could be political/government decisions out of your control, or it could be something super personal like losing a family member.

Think of all of those moments that you said to yourself…

“I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.”

Yet, here you are.

Will it be easy?

No.

But you (we) can and you (we) will get through it.

I truly hope you enjoyed reading this series as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Here’s to a healthy and happy 2021!

1% Better.

Dedicated To Your Success,

Doug Spurling

20 Things I Learned In 2020: Part 3

Last week I kicked off the series, 20 things learned in 2020.

If you missed parts one and two you can read them here and here.

Now, remember, when I say “learned” it could be new things or it could just be things that were “lessons learned” in 2020, they just became more important this year

Anyways, let’s dig into lessons 11-15.

11. It's Not Important Until It Is

Back in March Megan went to the hospital for some shoulder pain and troubled breathing.

What transpired over the next 72 hours was unfathomable...

She was transported to Maine Med ICU, and I took multiple calls from doctors telling me they don't know what's going on and they don't know if she's going to make it.

I distinctly remember sitting on our bed, it was 2:00am, and I had just gotten off the phone with the doctor, he told me she might have to go on a ventilator.

Talk about life flashing in front of your eyes...

I didn't have enough time with her yet, I wish I were more present, and gosh, how was I going to take care of the kids by myself?

Long story short, she ended up recovering.

If you can't tell, we think she had COVID-19.

This was very early on in the pandemic, and they didn't even have testing for it, but clearly, looking back, it wasn't just pneumonia.

We're thankful she fully recovered and is going just fine.

But it's really not until moments like that happen that you realize how you're living day to day could be better...

How you are with your family, how you take care of your health, it's all doesn't feel that important until moments like this.

12. Find Your WHY

There have been several times this year that I felt like giving up, moments of burnout, frustrations, you name it...

Probably similar feelings that we have all felt this year.

What always brings me back is my "Why"

What is your purpose? Why are you here?

Are you actually set out to do something, or are you just taking up space and getting in people's way.

This above all else has been my foundation which is why I start with it.

I may have bad years, I may feel burnt out, but I can always come back to this.

When the days are long and you’re feeling run down if you have a strong enough “why” none of that matters.

I keep this written down, I try to read it at least once a week, and it keeps the fire burning.

If you’re looking to find your “why” (you already know it, you just need to discover it), I highly recommend following Simon Sinek and his two books “Start with Why” and “Find Your Why”.

13. Mental health does manifest itself in physical ways

I never really bought into this until this year...

I had been working out, eating decent, but just physically looking like crap.

And then it hit me...

Stress, anxiety, pressure...

It was/is manifesting in physical ways...

Gray hairs, belly fat, you name it.

No other lesson here other than physical and mental health are connected and you have to take care of both.

14. Communication became a value of mine

I added a personal value in 2020.

I've been pretty big on knowing my values, both in what's important to me, and how I like to live my life.

But I started picking up on a trend with myself...

Almost every little annoyance, every little frustration, it always came back to communication.

Whether it was a communication that I could have improved on or frustration on my end for lack of communication.

I think as a company we're pretty good at communication, but it could always improve.

Now, better communication is not more, it's better.

Communication is not what is said, it's what understood.

If you look at the small businesses that survived 2020, they not only pivoted and adjusted, they communicated well.

We know good communication is the lifeline of good teamwork, a healthy relationship, etc.

It seems small, of course, communication is important, but if it's a value, I just look at it through a deeper lense.

15. Growth Mindset is Everything

In personal development, we talk a lot about Growth vs Fixed Mindset.

It originally comes from the book 'Mindset' by Carol Dweck.

In a growth mindset, you always believe there is more, you believe there is a better way of doing it, you believe there is always a solution to every problem.

Now, that doesn't mean day-to-day you don't have frustrations, pressures, and moments of a fixed mindset.

However, as a whole, you have a very abundant mindset.

Those that have a growth mindset probably did okay this year.

The fixed mindset believes that there is no way out, how it's done now is how it has to be done, and there is not always a solution to a problem.

They believe their personal qualities are fixed and that they cannot change.

I imagine those that have a fixed mindset had a real challenge this year, and it is a good reminder to explore the development of a growth mindset.

Now, it's never this absolute, we float between the two based on the topic/moment at hand, but it's still an area of opportunity for all of us to explore more of a growth mindset.

I'll be back tomorrow with lessons 16-20 to wrap this four-part series up.

I hope you're finding it helpful.

1% Better.

Dedicated To Your Success,

Doug Spurling

The Importance Of Warming Up

It can be easy to consider skipping the warm up section of your workout for any number of reasons, I’m running late, I don’t feel stiff, I don’t want to “waste” the time, etc. Warming up is super important for a number of reasons some of the most important are things like gradually loosening up muscles which helps prevent cramping or injury and it helps warm up the body and elevates the heart rate gradually. Every phase of a workout is there for a reason!

Comparative suffering

Since the start of the pandemic, I feel like I have had varying degrees of the same conversation with people:

Me: How are you?

Person: I’ve been on Zoom calls for 9 hours straight for the past three days, I’m trying to learn Algebra to help my kid with her homework, and I just cancelled all of my long-standing traditions for Christmas.

But it’s fine. It’s fine. Others have it worse.

These are the conversations we are having with one another on an almost daily basis. And there is a name for this phenomenon.

Comparative suffering.

This. This is what so many of us do, and are doing even more often than ever before, during this pandemic.

Comparative suffering happens when individuals try to make sense of their own pain by comparing it to other people’s pain. And I get it. I can remember having a conversation with the priest in college who later became my mentor. We were sitting in the cafeteria at Gannon University and I had opened up to him about all of the struggles I was feeling.

“But I have it so good,” I said to him, looking down at my plate and shoving pieces of lettuce from side to side. “I shouldn’t complain.”

I was 19 years old and mired in the struggles that many teenagers feel. But I’ll never forget his response to me.

“You do have it good, in many ways,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean that things feel easy for you. You are the only one living your life. And it’s ok if things feel hard for you.”

The benefit of comparative suffering is that this type of inventory helps us to establish perspective. Even at a young age, I could understand, even if I couldn’t name, my privilege. But I also felt like I wasn’t entitled to feel pain. Why should I be hurting when I was so fortunate?

The danger of comparative suffering is that it minimizes the legitimacy of our own feelings.

We are all weary. We are all bone-tired. And we also owe it to ourselves and to those in our lives to name the stresses that we feel, not only the stresses that we determine that we are entitled to feel. Because downplaying our own stress only leads to resentment and shame. And there is already too much resentment and shame in this world.

The best way to have a reservoir of compassion for others is to acknowledge and attend to our own feelings and most importantly, to stop ranking suffering.

If there is one thing that I have learned in recent months of hosting workshops at the gym, it is that we all feel suffering in our own unique ways, and we all feel guilty for struggling. So we pile shame on top of shame on top of guilt on top of struggle because we determine what should and should not feel stressful. For us. Not for others. We have compassion for others who are struggling. And we hold out on that same compassion for ourselves because “it shouldn’t hurt that much and it shouldn’t feel that bad and I should just buck up.”

What if we could keep our struggles in perspective but also allow ourselves to feel those struggles and express them?

And so I will say again - the best way to have a reservoir of compassion for others is to acknowledge and attend to our own feelings.

Have perspective, yes. But also have empathy for yourself.

20 Things I Learned In 2020: Part 2

Yesterday I kicked off the series, 20 things learned in 2020.

If you missed part one you can read it here.

Now, remember, when I say “learned” it could be new things or it could just be things that were “lessons learned” in 2020, they just became more important this year.

Anyways, let’s dig into lessons 6-10.

6. Control what you can control

I’ve always been a big fan of this one, but it became uber important in 2020.

I mean, let’s face it, there’s really not a lot in life we can control.

However, that got blown out of the water in 2020 and almost everything was out of our control…

Where am I allowed to travel?

Can I operate my business?

Do my kids go to school and tune in remotely?

It can be super frustrating when things feel out of control, and it causes a lot of stress and anxiety.

But, there are always things we can control.

We can control our attitude and behaviors, we can control our mindset, we can control how we treat and fuel our body, and we can control our actions.

Always.

7. Have a clear vision

There were a lot of goals that got derailed in 2020.

Whether it be the actual goal, the ability to focus on that goal, or the timeline of that goal.

But you know what probably wasn’t thrown off?

Your vision.

I’ve written about visioning at length, but it is a point in the future, typically 3-5 years out.

You write it like you’re actually there.

Now, 2020 might have caused us to reevaluate, to adjust, and maybe we took a little bit longer path to get there, but our vision hasn’t changed.

That’s motivating, and that’s why it’s so important.

8. Kindness matters so much

Be kind.

It’s one of Kim’s sayings, and it’s one of our values here at Spurling.

Kindness.

It always matters, but it really mattered in 2020.

Why?

Because it was easier to not be kind.

Tempers were hot, there was always something to be mad about, there was always someone with a different opinion, etc.

In moments of frustration, it can be challenging to have the self-awareness that you’re not being kind.

We don’t need to agree with everything/everyone, but we can treat them with kindness.

9. You have to keep up, things got accelerated

In many ways was an accelerator, especially in the technology sector.

Let’s take a peek at our industry.

The ability to train someone online, whether that be in a follow-along live format or a digital program to log through an app (both of these we now do) has always been possible, at least for the last 5-10 years.

However, what 2020 did was accelerate it.

It forced us to adapt quickly, to pick up and learn the technology.

It challenged us with building a relationship and community, albeit virtually.

It’s not perfect, but there are a lot of people we woudln’t be helping right now if we didn’t embrace that accelerant.

And to be honest, the ones that didn’t embrace it are the ones struggling.

It’s the same with restaurants adapting to online ordering/take out, schools learning how to teach virtually, and workplaces allowing you to work from home.

Often times, once we’re in it, we realize it’s not that bad, but 2020 was a “forced” learning curve.

That’s a good thing.

Whether it sticks or not is to be determined, but at least it forced us to get better.

10. Things don’t go as planned, and that’s okay.

How many of your plans got ruined this year?

Everyone, right?

As a planner, I HATE when things don’t go as planned.

In fact, a small thing can totally mess with me.

If I see one little thing I don’t like, or one little part of my day doesn’t go as planned, it can throw my whole day off.

I’m sure others that have a similar personality can relate.

But here’s the thing…

Since so many things didn’t go as planned this year, it’s been a great learning and opportunity to live a day, a month, a YEAR, when there is really no plan, it’s just figuring out how you’re going to get through the day.

Or you have a plan, and it doesn’t go as planned.

I just think it’s been great practice for how to react when that happens, I’m not always good at it, but it’s gotten better.

I hope you’re enjoying these lessons.

I’ll be back next week with parts three and four.

Upcoming the rest of this week is Kim’s weekly post, our podcast, and Josh’s weekly post.

Stay tuned!

1% Better.

Dedicated To Your Success,

Doug Spurling

20 Things I Learned In 2020: Part 1

It’s been a pretty monumental year, huh?

I don’t think much of anything happened this year, right?

Last week in recording our podcast Kim had mentioned the blog idea of 20 things learned in 2020.

I said, “why don’t we both do it.”

I think it’s always cool to see different peoples lists, even though we both went through 2020 together, we may have learned different things.

Anywho, here’s what I reflected on as lessons learned or just good ol’ reminders that really got brought out in 2020.

1.The work you put in may not be noticed until it’s too late.

This is by far the biggest lesson from 2020, and if I had to summarize it into one lesson it would be this one.

And I’m honestly not sure I’ll be able to capture it fully.

There are so many times when we’re doing something and we just don’t “see” any result.

Maybe we’re working on our health, trying to stay consistent, building some habits, but we just can’t see any result.

Well, I think we would all agree, those who were healthy going into March were in a bit of a better position than those who were not.

And unfortunately, although it’s important to keep it up, so much of it was a direct reflection of what you did prior to the pandemic.

All of those workouts, building up that immune system, working on that cardiovascular health, it may not be everything, but it definitely helped this year.

Or, think of it from the business side.

I’ve always been big on every business needing to build a community around itself, not just a transaction, but a relationship.

That comes with a ton of sacrifices…

Often times it means a lot of work from the team that doesn’t have any real measure at the moment, but in times of crisis, if you have a strong community, they’ll support you through it.

There are so many other examples, but just remember, there are so many things in life where we can’t see why we’re doing them at the moment, but then they payoff during times like this.

2. The people on your team this year will be on your team for life

Ten, twenty, thirty years from now we’ll be reflecting back on 2020 and it will be one of those times when we say “remember when…”

And although we’ll remember the events, we’ll more so remember the people that supported us and helped us through this year.

The people on your “team” in 2020 will be with you for life.

If they helped and supported you in 2020, they are true team players.

And let it be clear, when I say team I’m not referring to your work team (although that’s true too), I’m talking about your personal team, your circle.

Who supported you?

Who was available to talk to when you needed it most?

Those people are truly part of your inner circle and have shaped your life.

3. Look For The Helpers

Mr. Rogers said, “in scary times look for the helpers.”

In times of crisis, there are always helpers, and that has been so true this year.

There has been so much bad, so much.

But…

What about all of those helpers?

All of the health care workers…

All of the people who donated money, time, and goods…

There are always helpers.

4. Look For The Leaders.

Just like there are always helpers in times of crisis, there are always leaders (often the same people).

And no, I’m not talking about the job title or what it says on a resume.

I’m talking about the people that don’t back down when things get tough, that don’t get quiet, but instead, pick a direction, and go for it.

When moments are tough there some people that shrivel up and hide, they get quiet, they get fearful, and decisions freeze them.

This year there had to be people who took charge, took ownership, communicated often, and had to make a lot of decisions, a lot of tough decisions, with no real-time to marinate on it or to dwell on it, they just had to take imperfect action.

Leaders take imperfect action all day.

5. Empathy is the highest skill one can have

There were a lot of opinions this year…

Opinions of the way things should be done, decisions that should be made, etc.

I read a great line the other day that hit this lesson home…

“Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding. The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another world.”

Although we all lived through 2020, we all experienced it in our own ways.

We have all been impacted in our own ways.

The biggest skill we can carry forward into 2021 is empathy.

The ability to put yourself in the other person's shoes, not just share your opinion, but truly listen and understand where they’re coming from, to share their feelings with them.

It takes work, but we can get there.

I’ll be back tomorrow with part two of 20 things learned in 2020.

1% Better.

Dedicated To Your Success,

Doug Spurling

Cardio Exercises & Tips For Breathing With A Mask

Making sure to continue getting in some cardio work is more important than ever, now that we're entering the winter months. Whether it's the challenge of it being harder to get outside for exercise or if you're exercising at home right now, cardio may be a challenge. Check out this video from coach Chris on some simply cardio exercises you can do with no equipment needed AND some breathing tips when doing cardio while wearing a mask.

10 lessons I’ve learned in 2020

Growing up, the year 2020 felt incredibly futuristic.

Though I never cared for science fiction, I always imagined that we’d be living like the Jetsons, with Rosie the Robot housekeeper (Roomba anyone?), controlling everything in our house with the touch of a button (Google Home), and talking to everyone via video (do people exist in the 3D form anymore or are we just a world of Flat Stanleys? Google Flat Stanley if you don’t know it…)

The one thing we could never have guessed was that 2020 would become a punch line. Doing some online Christmas shopping, I’ve seen no shortage of items mocking 2020. A dumpster fire pin, a Back to the Future shirt warning Marty to never visit 2020 and, my personal favorite, a hand sanitizer sticker that says “PureHell.”

As we eagerly begin to look ahead to 2021 though, I thought I’d take some time to reflect on a few things I’ve learned in 2020:

1.     I have learned to be deeply and humbly appreciative of my health, my opportunity to work, and even more aware of how much privilege I truly have.

2.     I’ve learned that I have a lot of work to do to truly understand the systematic racism that exists in this world, and that I have a lot to learn, and a lot to unlearn. And I have many blind spots. Along with this knowledge comes the responsibility of acting – not just talking and posting on social media. And I have a lot of work to do here.

3.     I miss hugs.

At one point I’d set out to get and give 12 hugs a day because hugs boost oxytocin levels which decrease stress hormones and heal feelings of loneliness, anger, and isolation. Hugs also lift our serotonin levels, and can strengthen the immune system.

According to my calculation, we are all down 3,600 hugs at this point. Unless you’ve been hugging your pets, which is also good for you. Then you’re probably down less. 

4.     I’ve learned that I should buy stock in toilet paper and paper towels.  Because along with bread and milk, these are the items that we seem to truly value in times of crisis…

5.     I’ve learned about the true value of community and connection.

 No matter how many times I want to insist that "I Am a Rock” is my theme song, I am not a rock and I am most certainly not an island.

Tonight in my workshop we talked about the need for social self-care. Connecting deeply with friends and family over coffee and lunch and picnics. Even those of us who need the most quiet and time away from people realized the thing that Brene Brown has been preaching in her work for years – that as humans we are hard wired for connection. We were not meant to go for months at a time without seeing other people.

6.     I learned that I have a good pandemic partner.

Among the many privileges I have is living with someone who is so incredibly easy to be around. Even as we negotiated the loss of our 12-year old basset hound, me turning up the music to lead workouts from home, and my effort to cook a few times a week, we still like each other. And she also wishes I would learn to load the dishwasher not like a drunk monkey. Whatever that means…

7.     It’s important to slow down. And we need to do more of it.

For some reason, I thought I was going to do crazy things like write a book or learn Italian or get a second Master’s Degree when really I had to accept that less is more.

8.     Masks hide chin hair. Win.

9.     I like yard work more than I thought I would. And I really don’t want to live in a world without baseball. Ever.

In the absence of baseball, I did a lot of weeding and weed whacking and landscaping experiments. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, but I’m ready for baseball.

10.   Curiosity might be my most important value right now.

There have been so many conflicting opinions and so much unrest in this past year it’s hard to know what to make of it all. Never, ever, ever, can I think of a time when genuine curiosity has been as important as it is now. It is not my job to make someone else believe what I believe. It is my job and my responsibility to ask thoughtful questions and listen with both ears and an open heart.

Because in a time when all we can think about are all of the things we can’t do, staying curious and compassionate is one thing we can do.

Coaching Is Not Geography Based

I often don’t talk about him, but my mentor, Pat, has done what any good mentor should do, which is change my life.

Yesterday I shared a story about my parents, and if I’m being honest, Pat has been a father figure to me.

He not only has shaped my professional life but more importantly, he helps shape my personal life.

He has an incredible knack for making sure we continue to make an impact with our businesses but also assures our personal life is improving as well.

I typically in some way or another talk with Pat once a week.

But here’s the thing…

We haven’t been in an office or conference room together in over a year…

And even before COVID, we maybe saw each other 2-3 times a year.

Yet, he has changed my life.

How is that possible?

Because any good coaching is not geography-based.

My success and his impact on me does not change based on us being in the same room together.

It’s ultimately about connection, good conversation, and good coaching.

We stay connected through zoom, phone calls, texts, e-mails, etc.

We coach gym owners around the world, and it all happens via a platform like Zoom, a Facebook group, and some e-mails.

My point?

The skill of coaching is not geography-based, the outcome of good coaching should not change because they are not right in front of you.

Sure, there are camaraderie and social benefits of being physically together, but the actual result, the actual experience you receive shouldn’t change.

So, today I’m speaking to those who choose not to get in-person coaching right now, whether we’re talking fitness coaching or other forms…

Know that a good coach does not let geography, you two being in the same physical space together, dictate the results.

A coach’s job is to get you from point A (where you are) to point B (where you want to go).

If they need to do that through Zoom check-ins, personal reach-outs, and an electronic program right now, so be it.

Don’t let geography be the reason you don’t get coaching.

If you can’t make it into the gym right now lean on our coaches.

Every month we do 150-200 Strategy Sessions, these are 1:1 zooms/calls with a client helping them set realistic goals for the month, creating an action plan, and assuring they still are moving closer to where they want to go.

Pair that with an electronic program to follow on our app and you have a strong option to get coaching.

Does it replace the accountability of showing up to the gym or the energy of being around others?

Of course not.

But don’t let geography be the reason you don’t get coaching this winter.

1% Better.

Dedicated To Your Success,

Doug Spurling

It's Bigger Than That...

I often share my mom’s story, how much she shaped my life, and how she tragically passed away from lung cancer in 2010 (I legit can’t believe it’s been ten years).

I don’t often talk about my dad.

He passed away in 2018 from what we think was a heart attack. Megan found him in his condo, and because of his laundry list of health issues, we couldn’t really tie it to anything other than a heart attack.

That’s why I’m so big on this fitness stuff.

I don’t care to have a 6-pack, I don’t care to be 10% body fat and super skinny, I just want to have healthy habits that give me a shot at being around to see my kids raise their own families, and I’m confident that a lot of you reading this probably share a similar goal.

Because I tragically lost my parents at a young age, both due to things that could have been prevented with better health habits, it’s what keeps me motivated.

And to be honest, I’m seeing this in others in my life now and it makes me sad…

Daily habits that I know are going to kill them (smoking, drinking, lack of activity, etc) if they don’t change, or at least not put them in a position to stand a chance seeing their grandkids graduate high school.

And I think that’s why we’re all here…

Sure, we all have different goals in the short term, but it’s ultimately about giving us a shot at living a longer and healthier life, regardless of what we fill our lives with for activities and experiences.

At a micro-level, we’re all motivated by different short term things but at a macro level the decision today to not workout or to make an unhealthy choice needs to be tied to a larger macro motivator such as putting yourself in a better position to stand a chance being on this earth longer.

Whether that’s to see your grandkids, to do more, to travel more, whatever it is for you.

My mom never saw my brother graduate high school, she never saw me start a business, get married, and most importantly, she never met my kids.

My dad was around for the first year of my son, but other than that, he’ll never see him grow up, he’ll never meet my daughter, etc.

I can only speak about my parents, and I’m aware every situation is different and things can always happen, but all of the health issues that they faced that ultimately killed them were due to poor eating, no exercise, and unhealthy habits like smoking and drinking.

For me, that's my motivator to always steer myself back when I find myself making unhealthy choices, or exercise drops off.

Sure, at a smaller degree there are some weight loss goals, some performance goals, but it’s always tied to that.

As you continue to finish out 2020 and set some goals for 2021 I challenge you to think about the bigger picture, and why all of this matters.

And of course, we’re here to help if you’re feeling stuck, just hit reply.

1% Better.

Dedicated To Your Success,

Doug Spurling