Growing up, the year 2020 felt incredibly futuristic.
Though I never cared for science fiction, I always imagined that we’d be living like the Jetsons, with Rosie the Robot housekeeper (Roomba anyone?), controlling everything in our house with the touch of a button (Google Home), and talking to everyone via video (do people exist in the 3D form anymore or are we just a world of Flat Stanleys? Google Flat Stanley if you don’t know it…)
The one thing we could never have guessed was that 2020 would become a punch line. Doing some online Christmas shopping, I’ve seen no shortage of items mocking 2020. A dumpster fire pin, a Back to the Future shirt warning Marty to never visit 2020 and, my personal favorite, a hand sanitizer sticker that says “PureHell.”
As we eagerly begin to look ahead to 2021 though, I thought I’d take some time to reflect on a few things I’ve learned in 2020:
1. I have learned to be deeply and humbly appreciative of my health, my opportunity to work, and even more aware of how much privilege I truly have.
2. I’ve learned that I have a lot of work to do to truly understand the systematic racism that exists in this world, and that I have a lot to learn, and a lot to unlearn. And I have many blind spots. Along with this knowledge comes the responsibility of acting – not just talking and posting on social media. And I have a lot of work to do here.
3. I miss hugs.
At one point I’d set out to get and give 12 hugs a day because hugs boost oxytocin levels which decrease stress hormones and heal feelings of loneliness, anger, and isolation. Hugs also lift our serotonin levels, and can strengthen the immune system.
According to my calculation, we are all down 3,600 hugs at this point. Unless you’ve been hugging your pets, which is also good for you. Then you’re probably down less.
4. I’ve learned that I should buy stock in toilet paper and paper towels. Because along with bread and milk, these are the items that we seem to truly value in times of crisis…
5. I’ve learned about the true value of community and connection.
No matter how many times I want to insist that "I Am a Rock” is my theme song, I am not a rock and I am most certainly not an island.
Tonight in my workshop we talked about the need for social self-care. Connecting deeply with friends and family over coffee and lunch and picnics. Even those of us who need the most quiet and time away from people realized the thing that Brene Brown has been preaching in her work for years – that as humans we are hard wired for connection. We were not meant to go for months at a time without seeing other people.
6. I learned that I have a good pandemic partner.
Among the many privileges I have is living with someone who is so incredibly easy to be around. Even as we negotiated the loss of our 12-year old basset hound, me turning up the music to lead workouts from home, and my effort to cook a few times a week, we still like each other. And she also wishes I would learn to load the dishwasher not like a drunk monkey. Whatever that means…
7. It’s important to slow down. And we need to do more of it.
For some reason, I thought I was going to do crazy things like write a book or learn Italian or get a second Master’s Degree when really I had to accept that less is more.
8. Masks hide chin hair. Win.
9. I like yard work more than I thought I would. And I really don’t want to live in a world without baseball. Ever.
In the absence of baseball, I did a lot of weeding and weed whacking and landscaping experiments. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, but I’m ready for baseball.
10. Curiosity might be my most important value right now.
There have been so many conflicting opinions and so much unrest in this past year it’s hard to know what to make of it all. Never, ever, ever, can I think of a time when genuine curiosity has been as important as it is now. It is not my job to make someone else believe what I believe. It is my job and my responsibility to ask thoughtful questions and listen with both ears and an open heart.
Because in a time when all we can think about are all of the things we can’t do, staying curious and compassionate is one thing we can do.