We are all suffering right now.
In many ways I feel like the kindest action we can take for another human being is to remind ourselves that the people around us are suffering.
One client last week said that she was experiencing “environmental fatigue.” There is a constant battle for all of us right now – we are all living on the edge of a sword, unable to rely on much of anything. We are living in a constant state of uncertainty.
And that uncertainty is exhausting.
We are living in unpredictable times and we are all struggling to figure out what to do with ourselves in this current situation. Recently, I’ve returned to my personal (non-formal) study of Buddhism as I try to figure out how to handle myself and my interactions with others right now.
And this is the list that I’ve made. For what it’s worth.
1. Remember that we are all suffering.
Have you ever had an interaction with someone who just seems genuinely unhappy and miserable in life? They say everything with an air of sarcasm tinged with bitterness, are perpetually frustrated with everything and everybody, and you can almost feel the anger radiating from them? Those are the people are incredibly difficult to be around – and they are also people who are suffering most.
They are also energy vampires - those people who consume most of our energy. For one reason or another, they take up most of our mental bandwidth for one reason or another. So we decide to process our feelings relentlessly - to the point where we’ve absorbed their own suffering into our own.
But what do you do? Well, recently I stumbled onto a phrase that I find helpful to interrupt that trance – do not ponder others. When I find myself obsessing over why a person said or did something, I interrupt the thought with that phrase. Do not ponder others.
And that helps.
In my better moments, I can take that self-talk a step further and think to myself, may you be free from suffering.
Many of us live inside our thoughts. Having a go-to phrase is a great way to get outside of those thoughts. Even for a moment.
2. Take a deep breath.
We are remarkably bad at breathing as a society. So much so that there is entire field of study called the Postural Research Institute. Essentially, we breath ourselves into poor posture. Which is one of many reasons that training ourselves to take deep breaths can be a helpful strategy for breaking up our trance and getting out of our thoughts and into our bodies.
If we can learn to interrupt our trance of business and stress with a deep breath, we can learn to kick on our parasympathetic nervous system and interrupt our thought patterns.
3. Offer a phrase of true compassion.
I alluded to this in number one, but finding some phrases of true compassion in your own words can be an exceptionally helpful way of breaking up that pattern of living inside your thoughts.
May you be well. Maybe you be free from suffering. May you feel happiness.
There are any number of phrases you can use. But see if you can find some words that feel genuine to you, and that you can honestly say and hold in your heart when it comes to another human being. Find an expression of compassion that feels authentic to you - hold onto it - and repeat it every time you feel frustration or irritation in the moment.
We can control our reactions to our present moment. And we must be intentional about doing so.