Have you ever felt stuck?

Have you ever felt stuck?

As in, sitting here during a nasty winter storm trying to write a blog post kind of stuck?

Sometimes these posts come quickly - but sometimes I have to fight for every word. I spend a lot of time around writing feeling stuck. I spend a lot of time “thinking” about writing.

Turns out there’s a name for that stuck feeling:

Chronic contemplation.

Contemplation is the second of the six stages of change (also known as the Trans-theoretical Model): Pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, and termination. (From the book “Changing For Good).

In pre-cotemplation people are often unaware that they need to make a change, are being nagged by others to make a change, or are so resigned to their situation that they feel that change is hopeless.

In the contemplation stage, people are aware of a behavior they need to change and begin to think seriously about solving it. But this is the stage where many of us get stuck. We find ourselves in a place of chronic contemplation.

A few months ago I wrote a post called “Thinking Isn’t Doing.” And without realizing it, I was writing about this very subject. The challenge with this part of change is that we substitute thinking for acting and I don’t know about any of you, but I EXHAUST myself with thinking.

Like, wear my brain straight out.

Signs that you’re stuck in this phase include:

1. Waiting for something or someone
   
   I’ll start the new plan on Monday. After my birthday. The beginning of the month. When I get a raise. You’re always waiting for someday to be the “right” day.
   

2. Searching for absolute certainty

   I’m going to research this subject until my eyes are bleeding and I’m certain that I’ve found the best approach. I will spend months reading up on different diets, different forms of exercises, different websites about how to write a book until I am convinced I have the right approach.

3. You feel ambivalent
   
   I think this last one the toughest one of all and I hear it all of the time. You want to change, you really do. But at the same time, you also feel a resistance to it.

But what is the resistance?

Well, it turns out that some of that resistance is flat out ambivalence. You want to change, but you’re afraid to change, even if you’re unaware of that fear. According to the book referenced above, no matter how healthy or how good for us a change might be, making any kind of change threatens our security.

I’m not sure that I think about change threatening my security. But it absolutely threatens my comfort. Change means sacrificing habits and perhaps a lifestyle that is very familiar. Or, as is often the case with ambivalence around our creative-side, there is a fear of failure.

I think this ambivalence is heightened right now with COVID. Because we might desperately want to make some healthy changes, but we are also desperately clinging to all that is familiar.

So if you fall into this category, what do you do?

You watch Chariots of Fire. Kidding. Well, kind of. It might be Rocky. (Or Creed - loved that movie.) One suggestion researchers recommend is tapping into your emotions. What is it that gets you fired up? What song? What movie? What YouTube video?

This is also why many people find motivating words and phrases helpful - those words tap into their emotions.

And on that note, I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

“It’s never too late to become what you might have been.” George Elliot