A few years back, I wrote about my five rules for adulthood. It was an exercise that came from Gretchen Rubin’s book, “The Happiness Project,” and I found it helpful to write down and verbally name what was important to me.
Tonight in my Building Resilience workshop we talked about the importance of self-care for our mental, spiritual, and lifestyle health, but we also discussed the necessity of being proactive about our self-care. So I was driving home thinking about how much work I have to do in the department, I thought I might jot down some rules for myself.
1. Have some rules about self-care.
:-)
Like many of you, my wife and I stayed home for Thanksgiving. In an effort to make the day a bit more special, I asked if she wanted to initiate any new rituals for us to do together.
“Yes,” she said. “Neither of us are allowed to do work.”
Like…none. At all.
The thing is, I like working and I choose to do it often. I like making videos and working with clients and while I don’t like writing, I feel compelled to write. This is one area of my life where I am a lot like Doug. I found work that I love and so I do it. All of the time. But because of the type of work I do, and because I’ve become obsessed with productivity, I can’t stand not doing work.
If I’m not writing or creating or consuming then I feel like I’m wasting my time. That’s not true, but that’s how I feel.
But never shutting off, or seldom shutting off comes at a price. And that price shows up in the form of exhaustion, compassion-fatigue, frustration, edginess, and a host of other effects that do us more harm than good.
2. Make a list of self-care activities
If I asked most people to name self-care activities, they might come up with the basics - working out, eating healthy, meditating or going for walks. But it can also be much more than that. Petting your dog, watching your gold fish swim, taking a long, hot shower, spending time with positive people, laughing, dancing in your living room - think about the activities in life that bring you joy or give you energy. And write them down.
3. Don’t allow those activities to get hijacked.
Easier said than done. But write down your top three activities and keep them sacred. My shower at the end of the day is important for me as an empath (as a lint roller for human emotions, it’s nice to wash that off at the end of the night), and I’m not going to skip that no matter what. If it’s your walk, your time with your cat, or dinner with your partner, protect that time.
4. Give yourself permission
Remember dragging permission slips home from school for your parents to sign so that you could go on that trip to the Pittsburgh Zoo? Or the Carnegie Science Museum? Or whatever else we used to hand over to our parents, crinkled, half-ripped and with coffee stains on them? Make a list of the self-care activities that you absolutely will not allow to be hijacked – and then write out, and I mean literally put it on a piece of paper, a permission slip.
And if that doesn’t work – then find someone you trust who can help give you permission to take care of yourself. I found it much easier to avoid work last Thursday because Sheila gave me permission to do nothing. That subtle difference in permission made a world of difference to me.
5. Make a self-care box
This is a new idea for me, but one I plan to tackle this weekend. Grab a box and put things in it that reprersent self-care for you. Mine might be eucalyptus (love the smell of that stuff), the Miles Davis “Kind of Blue” vinyl, my talking Mr. Rogers desk buddy, noise cancelling headphones and decaf green tea.
Make a box for yourself and keep it nearby. Next time you’re feeling down or annoyed or covid-fatigued, pull it out.
And if you need help making a self-care plan, please reach out. We’re here to help.