I am an over-thinker.
There. I said it.
In fact one of my favorite quotes is “hang on, let me overthink about it.”
I often spend my drive home picking apart conversations from the day - things people said - things I read - text messages I received or sent - and I find ways to obsess about them in a way that can work me into a downright tizzy by the time I pull into my driveway.
That whole idea of telling yourself stories in the absence of knowing what’s really going on?
Yep. That’s me. All. Day. Long.
I’ve always done some version of this. As an adult, I’ve learned that this kind of obsessing is often associated with generalized anxiety. Which, in my experience, is slightly freaking out about everything all of the time….
When I say slightly, what I mean is that my brain actually plays like ESPN. There’s a show playing on the main screen, but there is also a ticker scrolling across the bottom of the screen 24/7. Through commercials and games and specials….and it repeats itself.
That’s my brain.
In my early twenties a friend introduced me to the idea of envisioning your mind as an open palm, as opposed to a closed fist.
The thought comes in to your palm, she said, and then you let it go.
Um…yeah….
No.
As with many of those concepts, I think they’re great ideas - in theory. I just struggle to put them into practice. There are any number of strategies that you can use in meditation to help clear your mind. You can put your thoughts on a boat and sail them down the river. You can imagine your’re a monkey swinging through the forest with a machete, cutting down the thoughts as they appear.
Although I think I might have made that last one up.
Recently, I read a quote from author John Kabat-Zinn, author of Wherever You Go There You are.
“It’s not a matter of ‘letting go.’ You would if you could. Instead of ‘let it go’ we should probably say “let it be.”
More than the idea of an open palm, or monkeys with machetes, or thoughts floating down the river, this idea really resonated with me. I have confessed before that I am a very high empath - which often leaves me feeling like I’m a lint roller for people’s emotions. Anger, frustration, sadness, anxiety - you name it and if someone around me is feeling it, you can be sure that I’m feeling it too.
On the one hand, I think that helps me to be more compassionate. On the other hand, I’m a still a lint roller for human emotions and there is still a ticker playing in my head.
Because of the sheer amount of thoughts bouncing around in my head, I often find the idea of letting go oddly overwhelming. Letting go is really, really hard work - it requires a presence of mind that I can’t always muster.
But for some reason, I take some peace from the idea of letting it be. Like I can step away from whatever thoughts or feelings I’m experiencing, if only for a few moments. I don’t have to do anything with the thoughts. I don’t have to let go, I don’t have to ruminate - I can just put them on a shelf in the corner of the room for a little bit.
So whatever it is that is rattling around in your head today, or whatever 20 things are rattling around, take a moment to step back and breathe. And let it be.
If it worked for Paul McCartney, perhaps it can work for you and me too.