The house is cold as I pad across the hard wood floor in search of my slippers. I find them and turn the coffee pot on shifting from side to side to warm up.
As the coffee perks, I look out at the remnants of Sheila’s garden in the soft morning light. The sunflower stalks, once so tall and vibrant, sag dramatically bowing in acceptance of the cold.
Honestly, I’m nervous about the coming months.
Typically, I enjoy the fall. I appreciate the crisp mornings that offer a respite from the humid days of August (and September). I look forward to Halloween (though costumes are fun year-round), and the holidays, but this year, I don’t know what to think.
I feel like life is hardest when we don’t have anything to look forward to – and that’s why my focus these past few weeks has been to take in the good.
I mean really take in the good and intentionally take snapshots and notice moments of contentment.
Our brains are wired to have a negativity bias. Good experiences are Teflon in our brains, and bad experiences are like Velcro. That’s what kept our ancestors alive. Which is why it takes an active effort to internalize positive experiences. According to several studies, positive feelings can help you develop a stronger immune system, and a cardiovascular system that is less reactive to stress. They not only lift your mood, but they also increase optimism, resilience, and resourcefulness.
The first step is to consciously look for and take in the positive experiences. This is where activities like the 21-day gratitude journal can become incredibly beneficial. The goal is to write down three different gratitudes everyday for 21 days - because you often have to actively look for and think about new things each day, you’re teaching your brain to focus on more positive moments.
The second step is to savor the positive experiences. Many of us do a version of this naturally. When we have a positive interaction or experience that makes us feel good, we replay it over and over in our minds. The action item here though is to connect our physical experience, what we feel, to the thoughts in our brain. One technique for savoring a positive experience is to pause, breathe in for five seconds, hold for five seconds, and then breathe out for seven seconds, all the while really thinking about and focusing on that positive experience.
There is a lot about life that feels very hard right now, though I know I have been much less affected by this pandemic than most. I’ve been very fortunate to have moments of contentment every day though, and those are the moments I’m trying to hard wire into my brain. Next time you have a thought or experience that feels good, pause, breathe it in, and savor that emotion.
Like a sleepy basset hound puppy whose head is on my knee as I try to write this :-)