Monday morning I woke up without a voice.
As I spent the day drinking tea and trying to sleep off a chest cold, I was thinking a lot about one of the keynote speakers from a recent conference I attended. Tara Westover, author of the book Educated (a must read), spent a lot of her speech encouraging us, as women especially, to use our voices.
And she asked the question – do you love your voice?
No, I don’t.
But I’m working on it.
I’ve never really loved my voice. When I was a teenager I was mistaken for my dad on the phone. Then I’d hear myself on a video or voice recording and be like…uh….do I really sound like that? I always spoke quietly because I was always trying to take up less space. I didn’t speak up in class, I didn’t like cheering loudly for my teammates at games – I really didn’t like using my voice.
One of the things that Westover reminded us in her speech though, is that if you don’t love your voice, you’re not going to be inclined to use it. And I realize that I’ve been learning to love my voice, little by little, more and more, in these past few years.
It’s important work, embracing and loving your voice - as was evidenced by several of the stats Westover went on to present.
A study out of Yale found that CEO’s who were women who spoke more then their peers were thought of as 14% less competent.
Women are interrupted more than anyone else. At the Supreme Court women were interrupted 3x as often as their male counterparts.
In top grossing films, women speak less of the time – including the movie Frozen who have two female lead characters.
A snowman speaks more than a women in a movie for crying out loud.
We internalize those messages. And don’t even realize we’re doing it.
As I’m trying to learn to be more vocal, in recording podcasts, and videos and yes, even in my writing, I’ve also watched a funny phenomenon develop with Rooney, my almost 12 year old basset hound. The other day he randomly stood in the middle of the kitchen, barking at nothing for five minutes.
For context, Rooney has never been a barker. He’s a literal hush puppie. Occasionally he barks for food, sometimes when he plays, but mostly he is a very quiet dog.
But lately, it’s almost like he’s discovering his own voice.
Like he’s sitting in the middle of the kitchen, looking at me, going:
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! I’m talking! I’m talking! Hey! Hey!
I know I’m anthropomorphizing my dog, but I swear he almost looks surprised and delighted at this new found sound that he can make.
So I’ll leave you with a few parting questions:
If you weren’t afraid to use your voice, what might you say? To whom might you say it? What would it look like to take up more space with your voice, and in turn, your presence?
How would you use your voice if you perceived it as having value?
Amplify your voice. Learn to use it and love it.
Even if you start by standing in your kitchen and yelling randomly at your partner:
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!